sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
