i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
BRING THE BAGELS
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
