Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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