in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
