oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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