I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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