All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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