I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
