How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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