I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
