when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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