So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
