saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
These tits shall not be calmed
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
