Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
