I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
