You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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