My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
