the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
my being single is dangerous.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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