u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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