Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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