well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
