Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
