Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
