I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
