omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
So many bounce houses so little time
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Terrible idea I love it
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize