I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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