Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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