All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
