i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I still have a little drunk in my system
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
