we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
