Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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