I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Randomize
