Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
