I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
