how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
