Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
