If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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