Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
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you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
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I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
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