i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
