too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
