I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
