If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
