I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
