i love accidental penises.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
