Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Randomize
