Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
