his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
