wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Randomize
