Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
The Olympian is in my bed
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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