they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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