I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
