i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
