hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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