he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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