you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
