dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
