I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
