return my video game
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Randomize
