i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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