there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
