rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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