i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
