If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
