I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
