fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
