Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
