So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
The power of my boobs compel you
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
