hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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