i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
