Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize